For ages I have been struggling with the question of - how do I get myself out of bed in the morning (without forcing myself)? How can I get myself to wake - naturally - with a feeling of excitement and energy, ready to walk into the day. As if the day were something worth walking into.
This morning I realised the question was more acute than ever: what could compete with lying here in bed, my body completely relaxed, the pure physical enjoyment of rest, and the desire to continue it indefinitely? Is that laziness? Am I over-attached to the feeling? because right now I cannot think of anything - anything - that could compete with that feeling. Creativity, breakfast, high velocity sports. Possibly I would actually need some competing influence there to get me out of bed, right there in my house: the competitive energy of other people eating my breakfast; a beautiful woman; loud music - even then I'm not sure. I can't contrive that for myself
Maybe I am over-attached to the pleasure of sleep. Maybe I fear it being taken away, or that I haven't had enough. If that's true then there is perhaps one way out - to fully and lovingly relish the every sensation of sleeping in, so that I am completely satisfied. Is it possible? To become competely satisfied? Osho once said that if you do something with full consciousness, you can then leave it behind.
I think he was talking about sex. But is there any difference?
Thursday 15 January 2009
Saturday 10 January 2009
Despair! and optimism...
The tendency to despair - I am cold, and I have not managed to do the shopping I intended - i went on a useless diversion to Victoria, freezing the soles of my feet into solid blocks through my too thin shoes, and the shop I was looking for was closed. If only I had gone there yesterday when I felt I should have... If only... Still no shoes, and I perceive that I have missed my chance (the chance I had yesterday) to get the bargains at the sales... Iet myself down in some subtle but profound way, by taking the easy way out, and now...
I can feel the temptation to despair. It is just like the time when I was meditating and I kept getting impatient with the slow, arduous process of re-learning what I had already learnt, going back to ground zero, and every time my mind would rebel, preferring to sink into angry despair than to accept the long patient slog. For such a small thing - some mistake I made, some shopping I missed, some pair of shoes I feel hopeless for not having, I'm ready to allow despair, to say 'come on in'
but today I see this in time to stop it, or put my hand up and say, wait a minute. Let's talk through this one. A toughie - a day of Saturday shopping ahead of me, a little daunting, but a job to be done. This is optimism, surely. When the mind wants to despair and you decide to say, well - what if I get on with it and just get the job done? What I pretend there is no choice, because there really isn't? It reminds me of the sign I saw posted up on that toilet in the desert in California: "Forgiveness: giving up all hope of a better past"
What makes us despair? What things trigger this feeling? day to day; what makes us slouch, reach for the remote control, grab the chocolate bar...give up? That's what I'm interested in. Today anyway.. I'm sitting in Pret a MAnger in Victoria, waiting for a journalist from Scotland to call me up about my book, he's from the Big Issue. I feel in tune with that
When I write this kind of stuff I can hear the pained, martyrish tone in my head, it's amazing!
I can feel the temptation to despair. It is just like the time when I was meditating and I kept getting impatient with the slow, arduous process of re-learning what I had already learnt, going back to ground zero, and every time my mind would rebel, preferring to sink into angry despair than to accept the long patient slog. For such a small thing - some mistake I made, some shopping I missed, some pair of shoes I feel hopeless for not having, I'm ready to allow despair, to say 'come on in'
but today I see this in time to stop it, or put my hand up and say, wait a minute. Let's talk through this one. A toughie - a day of Saturday shopping ahead of me, a little daunting, but a job to be done. This is optimism, surely. When the mind wants to despair and you decide to say, well - what if I get on with it and just get the job done? What I pretend there is no choice, because there really isn't? It reminds me of the sign I saw posted up on that toilet in the desert in California: "Forgiveness: giving up all hope of a better past"
What makes us despair? What things trigger this feeling? day to day; what makes us slouch, reach for the remote control, grab the chocolate bar...give up? That's what I'm interested in. Today anyway.. I'm sitting in Pret a MAnger in Victoria, waiting for a journalist from Scotland to call me up about my book, he's from the Big Issue. I feel in tune with that
When I write this kind of stuff I can hear the pained, martyrish tone in my head, it's amazing!
Monday 10 November 2008
Deep divers
sleepwise. Sometimes you dive deeper. The dreams are dreamier, they're deeper down there. Maybe some people just sleep deeper, they're deep divers. That's why they take longer to wake up, and some of us never wake up at all.
Sometimes you get the bends just waking up.
Sometimes you get the bends just waking up.
Friday 7 November 2008
Obama bin Hussein
Is it just me, or is the symbolic meaning of the new President's name so rich as to be unmistakable?
So... the USA has waged war - nominally - on two very particular men in the last eight years. Both wars have been unsuccessful, and both have been to some extent in the realm of fantasy - a war on two bogey men: Saddam Hussein, and Osama bin Laden.
So when we are finally sick of those false projections, those weird wars, when we have seen the folly and nuisance of them, when we reject the instigator of those wars, what do we do next? We elect a new leader, a symbol of healing and hope - whose name includes, as near as damn it, the actual names of both our previous 'enemies'. The names of the projected other have been embraced into the body politic, into its very heart. And accepted.
Weird!
You become the thing you oppose
What you resist persists
...they say.
We are the shadow. the shadow is us.
America is healing faster than we could ever imagine.
So... the USA has waged war - nominally - on two very particular men in the last eight years. Both wars have been unsuccessful, and both have been to some extent in the realm of fantasy - a war on two bogey men: Saddam Hussein, and Osama bin Laden.
So when we are finally sick of those false projections, those weird wars, when we have seen the folly and nuisance of them, when we reject the instigator of those wars, what do we do next? We elect a new leader, a symbol of healing and hope - whose name includes, as near as damn it, the actual names of both our previous 'enemies'. The names of the projected other have been embraced into the body politic, into its very heart. And accepted.
Weird!
You become the thing you oppose
What you resist persists
...they say.
We are the shadow. the shadow is us.
America is healing faster than we could ever imagine.
Wednesday 5 November 2008
remember remember
walking back from the fireworks on Streatham common...
we are sorcorers - we capture the lights and put them in our lanterns, on our cars, in the trees; we hang them on posts
I start the day with an intention
I end it with thanks
with my body I say yes
with my heart
and lead me to my people
"It's when we dare to reveal the truth that we unwittingly give everyone else permission to do the same. To be here, present, vulnerable and authentic. We're on a mission to make self-reflection hip for just a moment, just long enough to save us. If we can all collectively acknowledge our insanity, shrug and roll our eyes at each other at how nuts it is being a human, let alone having to pretend every day that we're 'normal'. The amount of energy we'll inherit that has been wasted on the mask will be enough to creatively solve any global crisis." The Manifesto - http://www.whataboutme.tv
The key:
Whatever situation I'm in there is a part of me that is ok with everything, accepts it, tenderly, that is always ok with it. Otherwise I wouldn't be here.
Find that part of me, and I'm there.
The ever finer and finer inner. Not something obvious and flashy. Not visions and lights. The being that very constantly and perfectly is there.
we are sorcorers - we capture the lights and put them in our lanterns, on our cars, in the trees; we hang them on posts
I start the day with an intention
I end it with thanks
with my body I say yes
with my heart
and lead me to my people
"It's when we dare to reveal the truth that we unwittingly give everyone else permission to do the same. To be here, present, vulnerable and authentic. We're on a mission to make self-reflection hip for just a moment, just long enough to save us. If we can all collectively acknowledge our insanity, shrug and roll our eyes at each other at how nuts it is being a human, let alone having to pretend every day that we're 'normal'. The amount of energy we'll inherit that has been wasted on the mask will be enough to creatively solve any global crisis." The Manifesto - http://www.whataboutme.tv
The key:
Whatever situation I'm in there is a part of me that is ok with everything, accepts it, tenderly, that is always ok with it. Otherwise I wouldn't be here.
Find that part of me, and I'm there.
The ever finer and finer inner. Not something obvious and flashy. Not visions and lights. The being that very constantly and perfectly is there.
My Purpose:
To lighten things up. To give hope. Disarm cynicism!
we can do it
regenerate our beliefs
shed our old beliefs
see them for what the are
see them!
I stand for this, absolutely. We expect it of ourselves and each other. We expect growth. We expect evolution. We assume the best of people, of our audiences, of our clients. Stop putting up with the talking down, the insulting nonsense of advertising; we are kings!
we can do it
regenerate our beliefs
shed our old beliefs
see them for what the are
see them!
I stand for this, absolutely. We expect it of ourselves and each other. We expect growth. We expect evolution. We assume the best of people, of our audiences, of our clients. Stop putting up with the talking down, the insulting nonsense of advertising; we are kings!
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